miserable me~

I dunno what has happened to my life lately. It's seems like everything so messed up and none of them has made me even smile... I always pretend to be happy, pretend nothing happened...

I always wondered if I have all of my lovely family.. My lovely relatives and friends here...

Maybe I can always share my pain to them. No, no. Actually I can share my pain to all of my friends here... But I don't want.. I'm too tired of all that stuffs sticking my brain everyday...

God.. Am I really that evil???

I even make her parent cry,, isn't it crazy?? But I really don't know what to do...

She just can't understand what I feel actually. But the worst thing that is I really don't understand what to tell her because there are TOO MANY that I have to tell her~~~

God I'm wondering why it must be ME that telling her all the truth.. why?

Tuhan.. aku gak tau lagi hrs gmn... ngerti kok kalo hidup ini susah. Tapi aku rasa aku sudah jalaninya sebisa dan terbaik menurut aku. Aku bahkan gak tau aku harus gimana buat bikin orang itu ngerti apa yg salah dari hidup dia... Aku gak tau sih,, apa bener dia salah.. atau akunya yg kurang sabar? Kalo memang aku kurang sabar.. Semoga dia dapet yg lebih sabar dr aku kapan2..

Tuhan... Kalau mesti akhirnya gini.. Ngapain sih aku mesti kenal dia?? Aku ngerti pasti ada hikmah setelah kejadian ini. Tapi kejadian ini bener2 bikin aku kapok deket sama orang Tuhan... Padahal aku bukan orng yang bisa nyimpen masalah sendiri dalam pikiran aku.

Aku.Harus.Gimana???

I even trying not to tell my boyfriend about this. Even my Mom, my Dad, my friends in Indonesia.

I'm not telling them.

God I'm really regret to know her. To get close to her. I'm really regretted.

She said that she is disappointed to me. She said that I'm just like a little kid who cannot control my mood to other people around me. God why she never reflect herself whether there is something-well,many things-that is ANNOYING about her? Why she blamed everything to me??

Well I know that actually I don't know if she has reflected herself or not but God-it's hurt~~

It's hurt to know that she said she is disappointed of me, whereas I'm trying my best to always be patient to her.

It's hurt to know that she is always trying to say that she is true.

It's hurt to know that she is never understand her fault.

It's hurt to know that I USED TO be her friend.

and I think it is not so important to tell your friend that your Mom cry when she heard your story.

Is it??

-conclusion-

I regret that I have her in my life. Thanks God to give her to me. This is however a great experience for me.